Passing Ships
by Laney1718
Summary: (Set around season 6) News reaches max that Healy has committed suicide. It's news that most inmates brush off, except for one.
1. Loss

She woke up the same way she had every morning for god knows how long. If she were to be honest with herself, the days of her confinement had long ago blended together, making it easy for her to lose track. She sat up slowly, stretching out to crick in her back in desperate hopes of gaining some relief from the pain, but no such luck. She stood straight, ready to start another day, another wasted twenty-four hours that could have been spent with her sons and beautiful grandchildren. Another day without freedom, without friendship, without love. Another day flushed down the drain like it was nothing.

She shoveled the slop she was served quickly down her throat, tortured by the memories of cooking her own meals. She once had power, purpose, a group of daughters whom she loved and protected with all her ability, but now… she had nothing, she had no one. Lost in her own pitiful thoughts, she hadn't realized someone was tapping on her shoulder. Turning around she was faced with a concerned looking Nicky Nichols. This was the girl she had seen so much potential in, so much of herself in. She would do anything for this girl, and she had, at great cost.

"Hey, I uhhh..I wanted to apologize for the way things have been goin down lately," she said, her eyes darting around the room nervously.

"It's alright, I understand," Red replied, curtly and cool toned.

"Listen…there's more to why I came over here. I uhhh…I heard a couple of the guards talking and…They were talking about Healy," she said, hesitantly taking a seat next to her.

"What about him?" Red asked, trying to conceal her curiosity. Was he coming to work at max? Would she get to see him again? Would he even want to look at her after everything?

"He's dead….he killed himself," Nicky said softly, but suddenly everything in Red's perceived reality had come to a halt.

Her breathing hitched, and then ceased all together. Her eyes filled with tears and her hands began to shake.

"Ma? I..I know you've known him for a while and the two of you had a friendship…kinda, but I just thought you should know. I thought I should tell you before you heard It from someone else," she said, seeing how visibly shaken Red was.

"Th...thank you for telling me, Nicky," Red stood up and walked quickly back to her cell, placing her tray over by the trash can before she left.

"Ma…ma wait where are you goin?" Nicky said, confused by Red's extreme reaction.

Red sat down in her bunk, turned towards the wall and held up a book to cover the tears streaming down her face. Moments, feelings, memories began flashing through her mind, as vividly as the seconds in which they had occurred.

When she'd try to help him solve his marital problems. But she had let her admiration for him shine through a little too much.

"_This is what a good man looks like …He's handsome, and he's good, and at least he's fucking trying…"she yelled._

When she not only had to remind him of the consequences of their relationship, but herself.

"_There is no such thing as a consensual relationship between an inmate and a guard..."_

Their arguments, and how she'd hurt him, led him to believe she didn't care.

"_You think this is a normal relationship? Human to human. I take advantage, you get your feelings hurt. You forget that when you leave here at night, you lock me in behind you,"_

And her admission after Lorna's wedding. It wasn't a full outpour of her inner most feelings, but it told him that she had felt what he had, that it wasn't unrequited, but none the less nothing could ever come of it.

"_So, you don't think there's someone out there you're meant to be with?" he asked._

"_Of course I do. Everybody has a soulmate. But they're usually on the other side of the bars, or the wall, or the planet from you. That's the way the universe works," she said with a sad smile._

"_You're not gonna be in prison forever. You've got a future to think about," he said seriously, looking deep into her eyes. He was practically begging her to hold on to hope for them, but she couldn't string him along. With a deep breath, and a carefully constructed metaphor, she told him what she believed to be true. _

"_Our ships passed too late in the night for one of them to change course, Sam,"_

She couldn't tell him to wait, it wouldn't be fair. And she couldn't condone their behavior while they were within the power struggle between guard and inmate. She never imagined that he would be gone. Somewhere deep within her, she had in fact held on to hope. Some part of her thought she'd eventually navigate her ship towards his course, and that they could finally be together. Now that dream, like so many others, was lost.

She cleaned up her face before anyone saw and sat in the silence, choking back more tears, trying desperately not to think of why he did it, how he did it, and if she could've stopped him.


	2. Fear

"Ma…ma wake up," Nicky's voice rang out, causing Red to jolt up from her bed.

She realized that she must've fallen asleep, and quickly straightened and looked at the concerned young woman in front of her.

"I'm sorry to wake you, I know you need your space and all, but I got some real fucking bad shit goin on and I don't know who else to turn to,"

Red put both hands on her back, pushing it forward attempting to crack it.

"What is it hmm? You and Lorna fighting? The guards starting shit again?"

"No, no none of that," Nicky turned around to face the door, checking to make sure no one was listening in on what she was about to say next.

"I fucked up,"

Red scoffed "I'm shocked,"

"Red this is serious. I was goin about my business, and I made a wrong turn. I may have seen some shit go down. I saw one of the guards dealing drugs to an inmate. Apparently, she's got a whole fucking ring going on and now she wants to make sure I'll stay quiet. So long fucking story short I'm fucking dead," Nicky said frantically.

"Relax. Are you sure they saw you?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure Red. Do you think that I'd be this freaked out if I wasn't?"

"Just be smart. Don't tell anyone what you saw, keep your head down," Red suggested.

"What if she comes after me, or the guard comes after me?"

"They haven't made a move yet. Usually in situations like these they send a message. Just wait it out, maybe nothing will happen," She replied simply.

"Look I know you're a little out of it with the whole Healy thing going on, but I need help,"

"I gave you my advice, I'm not sure what else you want me to do," Red said, her face falling at the mere mention of his name.

"I want you to show a little concern…instead of mourning over that racist, homophobic asshole,"

"Hey! Watch your fucking mouth! You have no idea what you're talking about! No idea who he was," she yelled as a tear managed to slip down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and stood her ground.

Nicky stood there stunned, taken aback by Red's outburst. She had seen this side of her very rarely, but never like this, never over anyone but the people she loved.

"I…I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean," Nicky stuttered.

"I didn't know you cared so much about him," she said softly.

Red stood there silently, composing herself and tucking her anger back inside. She wasn't really all that angry at Nicky, mostly at herself, and at Healy for abandoning her like this. That's what was really. He abandoned her, stomping out what little glimpse of light she had outside these bars.

"There's a lot of things you don't know. I'd prefer if they stayed that way," she replied calmly.

Before Nicky could respond a guard walked over having heard all the noise.

"What the fuck is all that yelling?...Inmate, you're not allowed in this bunk, get the hell out," the guard shouted.

"Alright…aright," Nicky said, her hands in the air feigning innocence.

She looked back at Red before leaving.

"I'll keep my head down and my mouth shut like you said," Nicky said with a nod.

Once Nicky had left, the thoughts came flooding back. The tears soon followed, and the only way to find release was to let her exhaustion call her back to peaceful slumber.

The next day she felt numb. Words went in one ear and out the other, food tasted even more bland than before, and the usually loud and bustling prison felt empty and rang with endless silence.

Some of her former daughters noticed the change in her behavior and asked her if she was alright. Her immediate response was that she was fine, and no further questions were asked nor answered. Only Nicky knew why, or at least parts of it.

This continued for a week until she heard that someone had gotten jumped outside the bathrooms this morning. She followed a group to the scene of the supposed crime. She pushed through a crowd of inmates to catch a glimpse of a large amount of curly hair being hauled off by guards.

"Nicky…"she whispered, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as the shock set in.

She pushed through the crowd and ran towards the guard carrying her.

"Nicky!" she yelled.

Another guard stepped in front of her, blocking her view and keeping her from her daughter.

"Step the hell back inmate," he yelled.

"Is she…" Red couldn't even bring herself to say the word dead. She couldn't take another loss.

"She's gonna be fine. A guard got here right on time to stop her from getting hurt any worse. He pulled the shank right out of the other girls hand,"

"So she's…" she was still at a loss for words.

"Gonna be fine. Yes, now get back to where you're supposed to be inmate," he said sternly with more than a hint of annoyance.

"Thank you," she whispered and nodded.

"Whatever," the guard shot back, rolling his eyes.

Two days of agonizing worry and Nicky was finally out of the infirmary and back in general population.

As soon as she was in her line of sight, Red walked quickly over to her and hugged her fiercely, not caring who was looking, not caring that there were already two guards yelling at them to separate.

"You scared the shit out of me," Red said, pulling back and looking at Nicky's bruised face.

Her one eye was swollen shut, there was a large bruise on the side of her face which ran down her neck, and her lip was swollen and had a thick line of stale blood where it had obviously been split.

"Yeah, I scared me too," Nicky said.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't take the threat seriously, I should've listened… I should've done more,"

"Ma, this is not your fault, it never was,"

"But it's not over. They won't stop until I'm dead," Nicky continued, the fear growing in her eyes.

"Who is the leader?" Red asked.

"Ma don't,"

"I want a name," she demanded.

Nicky blew out a breath in frustration, knowing full well that Red wouldn't back down until she got what she wanted.

"Ruby. Her name is Ruby. But I don't want you saying anything, this is my mess and you shouldn't get involved,"

"I'm your mother. Regardless of what has happened over these past few months, that still remains. No one messes with my girls," Red said determined.

"Just please, don't make it any worse," Nicky pleaded.

"I won't," she said, hoping that it was the truth.


	3. Betrayal

Red took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a mere second. Down the hall, third door on the left, that was Ruby's bunk. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, just that something needed to be done. She knew this woman wouldn't stop until Nicky was carried away in a body bag, and she would do anything to ensure that didn't happen.

With one foot in front of the other, she slowly made her way towards the bunk, standing straight with her chin up. Finally, she was in the doorway, Ruby's green eyes immediately catching hers. Two other inmates followed Ruby's gaze towards Red, both of them looking ready for a fight. Ruby shared a glance with the other women, calming them down.

She wasn't what Red had expected. She was young, maybe twenty-five at the most. Her long auburn hair spanned across her back in soft curls, a few pieces made their way to the front to frame her face. She was pretty, a girl whose image didn't say criminal, she certainly didn't fit the image of the frightening leader she was.

Ruby's expression twisted into a smile, and her eyes hardened. She nodded to the two other inmates as a signal to leave, then looking back at Red, signaled for her to sit in the chair across from the bed.

Red walked over but chose to remain standing.

"Galina Reznikov. Can't say I'm surprised to see you. Figures that pussy Nichols would send her fake mommy to come deal with her problems," Ruby said with a scoff.

Red stayed calm, not giving in to the woman's childish jabs at Nicky.

"I've come to tell you that your message has been received. Nicky isn't a snitch, there's no need for anything else to happen," Red said, her jaw set and her eyes like daggers.

Ruby snickered, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees.

"That's not the way I see it. I have a tight operation, it's contingent upon zipped lips and a strict code. What she's done deserves punishment. Besides, she already told you, what's to stop her from telling anyone else,"

"She's a smart girl, she wouldn't just tell anyone. She told me because she was scared, and she had every right to be. And what the hell do you mean 'what she's done'? The only thing Nicky is guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time,"

Ruby began laughing, her delighted surprise was off-putting to Red.

"Oh shit!... She played you, momma," Ruby said, still laughing.

"What the fuck are you talking about," Red asked, growing impatient with the woman's games.

"Nicky didn't just see a transaction go down…she tried to steal the drugs that were coming in for herself," Ruby said with a wicked smile.

Red's heart dropped.

"That's a lie. She's clean," she said, sure that it was the truth.

"I can tell you she's not. Hasn't been since I started selling to her about six weeks ago,"

Red's anger had gotten to its breaking point. This woman had gotten her daughter back on drugs, back on a path towards destruction. She was angry at her, angry at Nicky, and angry at herself for being so blind. But deep inside she knew Nicky wouldn't actively seek drugs, not after everything, which meant the Ruby had to have enticed her. She had to have drawn her back into using. That thought caused all that anger to be aimed at the young woman in front of her.

"You fucking cunt," she said through clenched teeth.

Ruby ignored the comment and continued.

"She ran out of things to pay with pretty quick, tried to resort to stealing,"

"Why should I even believe you?" Red asked.

"You shouldn't, so go ask her about it," Ruby replied simply with a shrug of her shoulders.

She took a deep breath and stood up, taking a step closer to Red.

"Listen, I heard about you down the hill. I know that you had a little group of followers, you had power. I like you, I like your style, but here, I'm the fucking top. Nicky broke the rules, and someone has to pay. One of my girls is set to shiv her in the yard this week. Because I like you so much, I'll tell her to try and miss the important stuff. If Nicky survives, then I'll consider the score evened. I know it sounds a little bit much, but I've learned that until blood is spilled…the message just doesn't stick as well,"

Red felt faint at the thought of Nicky bleeding out helplessly, at the thought of having to bury her, the thought of never seeing her again.

Before she could come up with anything to say, Ruby began speaking again.

"You know…I think you're pretty badass. I could use some of that motherly protection you give so freely to lowlife junkies. I want you to consider joining me,"

The thought of being around Ruby made her sick, but she thought about ways she could use this to her advantage.

"If I join you, then you leave Nicky alone," she said.

Ruby snickered, walking closer to Red to the point where they were face to face.

"That's not how this works. I made you an offer…a good one. You can choose to take it or leave it, but either way, Nicky will learn her lesson and serve as a reminder never to cross me. Keep that in mind before you reject my offer,"

Red, not cowering back, stared her down.

"Fuck you and fuck your offer. Do you think I'm scared of a five-year-old? In Russia, we can tell the difference between a person with real power and a person who feigns power to hide their fear. These people who work for you, you really think they respect you? No, respect is earned, and not by tyrannical bullshit. I wouldn't work with you, let alone for you. Power like yours…burns out quickly. Trust me, I've been around long enough, I've seen this a million times before. I hope you have a plan for what to do when this all fades because it will. You will be left with nothing and no one and you will die alone in this cell if someone doesn't murder you first,"

Red turned and left before another word could be spoken.

She went down the hall furious and determined, and once her eyes landed on Nicky, she walked quickly towards her.

"Ma, how'd it go with—" Nicky started but was interrupted by Red yanking her arm and pulling her aside.

"Woah, Jesus go easy, I'm still healing," Nicky said annoyed.

"You're using?" she said sternly, trying to conceal the fact that her voice almost broke saying the words.

Nicky paused and looked into Red's eyes only to see the familiar presence of hurt and betrayal.

Sick o the lack of response, she grabbed Nicky's chin and looked into her eyes.

"I haven't used since before I got the shit beat out of me," Nicky said, pulling her chin away.

She blew out a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you before…I didn't mean to—"

"Fucking hell Nicky! After everything you've been through, all the times I've helped you get clean,"

Nicky remained silent, ready for the verbal beat down she knew she deserved.

"You told me you were done, and I believed you," Red said, her heart breaking.

"Red, I'm sorry,"

"No. No more. I can't do it again. I already lost Sam—" she said as a tear fell.

"What the hell does Healy have to do with this?" Nicky asked angrily. She never liked Healy, and she didn't think he deserved to be a constant topic of conversation in life or death.

"Because I can't lose anyone else! I can't lose another person I love. But I especially can't watch as you pump your body full of poison," she yelled.

Nicky was taken aback by the fact that Red admitted she loved Healy, but she chose to ignore that information for now.

"I'm sorry," was all she managed to say.

"I can't do shit with 'I'm sorry'. Get yourself together, I don't even want to see you until you do," Red replied, shaking her head in disbelief and disapproval.

She looked into Nicky's eyes, tears glistening and threatening to spill endlessly. She scoffed in frustration and turned to walk away. Before she forgot, she turned around once more.

"You should ask to be taken out of gen pop for a few weeks. Ruby's dead set on making an example of you," Red said simply before turning back around and continuing to walk away.

"What does that mean?" Nicky asked.

"Red! What the fuck does that mean?" Nicky shouted.

Red kept walking, not paying her any more attention.

"Fuck," Nicky whispered to herself.

Red went back to her bunk, sat on her bed, and picked up the book which rested on top of her covers. She began to read like she always did, but found that those same images reemerged in her mind. Nicky dead on the ground, her blood seeping out onto the concrete. Sam, looking at himself in the mirror with tears in his eyes, taking the bottle of sleeping pills out of his cabinet.

She didn't know how he actually did it, but she hoped it was peaceful. She didn't want to think of his death as bloody or gruesome, that was too much to bear. As the words in her book weren't enough to take her away from herself, she grew frustrated and threw it across the room with a grunt. Her fists clenched until her knuckles became white and she allowed herself to cry.


	4. Reconciliation

"Knock, knock," Lorna said with a breathy chuckle and a nervous smile.

Red looked in her eyes and then back down to the book in her hands. She had been reading the same page for the past hour, but as long as it made her look busy, she was content. She released a frustrated sigh when she realized the young pregnant woman wasn't going anywhere without discussing the elephant in the room.

"I know you're not talking to Nicky, but she wanted me to tell you that—"

She interrupted Lorna's nervous attempt to talk with a raised hand and a simple phrase.

"Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it," she said seriously, flipping the page as if she was immersed in the words themselves rather than the pain they were supposed to take away.

"Red, I know things between Nicky and you are….complicated at the moment, but if you just talk to her—"

Red had heard enough. Lorna had been wrapped around Nicky's finger for far too long, and now she was fighting her battles for her.

"I'm done talking Lorna. She's using again. Did she tell you that?" Red asked in anger, closing the book and tossing it down on the bed.

Lorna took a deep breath, placing a hand over her stomach and rubbing circles. When Red seemingly calmed down she took a seat next to her on the bed.

"She did. And we had a long talk and it ended with her handing me this,"

Lorna reached down into her bra and pulled out a ziplock bag filled with off-white powder.

"She hasn't used in a week, Red. She's doin' real good," Lorna added.

Red stared at the baggy in Lorna's hand, the substance that had caused so many rifts and fights, that had killed Tricia, and nearly killed Nicky more than once.

"How do you know she doesn't have extra stored away somewhere?" Red asked skeptically.

"Because I know. This is real Red. Now I know Nicky has lied in the past and she's let you down a couple times, but I really think that this time it's gonna stick," Lorna said with a smile.

"That's what we thought last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. How many chances can one person get?" She shook her head.

"You're right, she says she's done and then finds some excuse to go back, but this time it is different," Lorna said.

"How? How is it any different?" Red asked in disbelief.

"Because she never lost you before," Lorna replied simply.

Red stopped and suddenly everything got quiet. She nodded, and Lorna began to talk once more.

"You were there. To yell at her, to talk to her, to help her with the shaking and the throw-up, but now she has to be the one to yell at herself, she has to help herself. I know you're angry and you should be, but don't shut her out," Lorna said.

"Fine. Fine if she wants to talk so badly I'll talk, but she has to—" Red started but was interrupted.

"Oh thank god, it was gonna be pretty awkward if you said no," Nicky said, coming into view.

Red scoffed with a smirk, she should have known Nicky would be snooping.

"I'll just leave you two to talk," Lorna said with a smile.

"Oh..I almost forgot. I can't get caught with this,"

Lorna said, handing the baggy to Red.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" she asked, but Lorna was already out the door.

"Ehh, flush it, burn it, pour it outside. Although the outside thing could lead to junkies eating the grass and that would just not be pretty for anyone," Nicky suggested.

Red tucked it under her pillow. She would have to take it and dispose of it later.

"So, what's going on with your…situation?" Red asked.

"They won't move me out of gen pop. Not enough evidence that my life is in danger, and I can't exactly give them proof without exposing Ruby. If I expose Ruby, I'll be worse than dead," Nicky said.

"They didn't think that you getting beaten was enough evidence?" Red asked, horrified by the lack of care the system had for a woman who was obviously in danger.

"They considered it an 'isolated incident'" Nicky said shaking her head and chuckling in disbelief.

Red sat shell shocked that no one was going to help. In all honesty, she didn't get her hopes up too high, having been let down by the system so many times, but she thought for some reason they might have done something for Nicky.

Nicky broke the silence, sitting down next to Red and looking in her eyes.

"Ma' I know Lorna already said it, but I'm clean. I swear I'm done going down the same path over and over. ,"

"I know. I want to believe you, but it's going to take more than words to convince me. And if I so much as hear that you're using again, I'm done," Red said.

"I know," Nicky replied.

"So…do you have a plan?" She asked

Nicky stood back up and began pacing.

"No, not really. I have no idea what the fuck to do. I'm out of options," she said, on the verge of hysterics.

Red stood up and gently took her face in both hands. She moved a piece of the curly hair out of Nicky's face and looked in her eyes.

"There's always a way. Where's the fighter inside you, hmm? Don't give up so easily, She only wins if you let her win," she said.

Nicky sighed and nodded, calming down.

"When you said she wants to make an example of me, what did you mean?" Nicky asked.

"Her plan is to have you shivved in the yard. A public spectacle, a message to everyone else not to cross her,"

"Fuck!" Nicky yelled, falling back into hysterics.

Red tried to hush the girl as not to alert the guards.

"But, that won't happen if you're careful. Be smart. Avoid the yard the best you can, and stay near guards"

"How is that supposed to fucking help, she has guards under her payroll, how do I even know who to trust?" Nicky asked, her hands waving frantically around as she spoke.

"Avoid the ones you know work for her, as for the rest, you just have to take a chance,"

"Ma, this isn't going to solve anything. She won't stop until I'm dead,"

"No, she said she wouldn't stop until blood was spilled, not until you're dead," Red replied.

"If she fucking stabs me, my chances at survival are pretty fucking slim. I mean have you seen the medical staff here? The fucking nurse is still practicing giving needles to a goddamn orange and the doctor looks like he just graduated kindergarten,"

Red ignored Nicky's rant as thoughts began flooding her mind, scenarios playing out until finally, a lightbulb went off. She sat back down on the bunk trying to piece it together.

"I think I have a plan," Red offered.

"Well…spit it out! What is it?"

"The less you know, the better. Just listen to me when I tell you what to do and you'll be fine. You should go before the guards see you in here," Red said.

"Ok. I trust you, you know I do, but please just try and think of something that won't get me killed,"

"You'll be fine. I swear you will," Red said seriously.

"I'll go. I better go talk to Lorna," she said walking away

"Oh, and Nicky," Red said, calling for her to turn around.

The minute their eyes met, Red spoke again.

"Be careful," she said sincerely.

Nicky smiled lightly and nodded, but the concern was still there in her eyes, still so obviously consuming every thought.

After Nicky had gone, Red took her book out and flipped to the back, where a few blank or mostly blank pages were. She ripped out the pages and began to write on them.

"You want blood, you'll get it," she whispered to herself.

After the pages were covered in writing, she folded them neatly and placed them under her pillow. Her fingers grazed upon the plastic bag and she almost gasped, remembering the drugs were there. She picked them up and tucked them into her bra, mentally adding another step to her plan.


	5. Sacrifice

"How much longer am I gonna have to do this?"

Nicky said, her pace increasing to keep up with Reds.

As soon as Red neared her bunk, she stopped quickly and turned to face her daughter.

"How many fake injuries or illnesses can I have? I mean the guards and medical staff aren't exactly America's best and brightest, but even they have to know I'm full of shit," Nicky continued.

"Don't worry about it. I've gotten word that Ruby knows you have to be in the yard today. They'll be waiting, but we'll be ready," Red replied calmly.

"Yeah about that. You say you have a plan, but you still haven't actually told me what it is. Forgive me for losing faith in a plan that you refuse to tell me anything about, but the closer we get to me getting stabbed the more I want to freak the fuck out,"

Red looked around and then once she saw no one was paying attention to them, she led Nicky into her bunk, away from anyone who might overhear.

"The plan is that I will plant the bag of drugs in Ruby's henchman's pocket and cause a disruption before anyone gets close to you. The guard keeping watch will be notified that she is carrying drugs and she'll be sent away,"

"That's your brilliant plan? Well, …what happens when she gets put back in gen pop? What happens if Ruby decides to just send another one of her girls after me?"

"This is a battle. We will win this, but we must continue our way through the war," Red said.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Nicky shot back.

"It means that you will survive today, but in order for you to keep surviving…we're going to need to do something drastic,"

"Such as?"

"Such as…taking down Ruby's operation," Red said, anticipating a less than happy response from Nicky.

"Okay…okay now I know you've fucking lost it! Ma, you cannot just take down someone like her…it's not that simple," Nicky yelled.

Red hushed her and continued to try and help her see reason.

"You're right…it is not simple at all, but it is possible. She has built her operation on a weak foundation, relying upon others to keep herself in power. What she has now is a delicate balancing act, knock one thing out of place and everything will come crashing down,"

Nicky huffed but didn't reply. She was piecing it all together in her mind, but before she was done, Red was speaking once more.

"Nicky, trust me. I've been playing these games for a long time. I know what I'm doing,"

"For my sake, I really hope you do," she replied.

"Now…how about we spend the day together. We can go get a bit of that disgusting slop they somehow call food and then go listen to Lorna talk about baby names," Red suggested.

"Sounds great, but if Lorna tries to use a paper fortune teller to name her unborn child again, I'm out,"

Red chuckled and went to leave but stopped when she noticed Nicky wasn't following.

"Ma, can I ask you something?" She asked.

"Of course," Red replied.

"I know it's a bit of a tough subject, but you and Healy…what's the story there?"

"It's…complicated," she replied.

"You two never…" Nicky couldn't finish the sentence, but Red understood what she meant.

"No," Red answered quickly, breaking the eye contact they had held for a moment.

Nicky noticed her flinch at the question, the way a person flinches when they feel a sudden pain, like touching a hot stove. She didn't want to push the subject any further, didn't want to cause any pain.

"What we had were a few missed opportunities and unkept promises," Red continued.

Nicky waited for elaboration, the curiosity twinkling in her eyes, but Red picked up on her hesitation to ask any more about it.

"It started out as me trying to manipulate him. I wanted back in the kitchen and using him seemed to be the fastest way. Eventually, I wasn't forcing myself to spend time with him as much I was looking forward to it. He had a sweet side, a gentle side. He was a good man, despite how he may have seemed,"

"And you…loved him?" Nicky asked.

"Yes, I loved him, and I know he loved me. But it didn't matter, nothing could've happened, nothing would have ever happened. His death didn't change anything. I was never going to see him again, and now I know. I'm never getting out Nicky," Red said, sadness weighing in her words.

"Ma, you can't say that for sure,"

"Yes, I can. I was given extra time. It's time that I don't have at my age. I was never going to see Sam again, and I'm never going to see my family again…not after the last time I fucked up. I had to physically beg my son to bring his children…and I couldn't control myself long enough to actually see them. I chose revenge when I should've chosen my family. Now I have no one,"

"Hey, you got family here too. I'm not going anywhere, at least I hope not," Nicky said sincerely, hoping that Red wasn't about to start crying.

"I know. Out of all my daughters, you were always the one I held closest to my heart, and I swear that nothing will happen to you. Not today, and not ever. It's a promise I intend to keep,"

Nicky nodded and gently smiled.

"I know you wanted to get food first, but let's go find Lorna. I think she was trying new baby yoga poses," she suggested.

"Oh god, I hope she didn't get stuck in the downward dog again," Red said with a laugh.

The two of them spent a few hours together. They ate, they laughed, and reminisced about life before and life now. Time flew by until suddenly a stark reminder came in the form of an officer shouting.

"Ok prisoners, time to go outside,"

Red looked into Nicky's eyes.

"It's time," she said.

"I know," Nicky replied.

They got their jackets and put them on slowly. Nicky's hands were shaking to the point where zippering her jacket became difficult. Red noticed and zipped it up for her, leaving her own jacket open.

"Breathe, you'll be fine."

"I'm trying, I'm trying, but every time I close my eyes, I can see a shiv coming right at me,"

"Just stay near the door and keep away from everyone," Red said.

Nicky nodded, but continued to look worried and frazzled.

"Nicky, can I give you a word of advice?"

"Was that a real question or are you going to give the advice even if I say no?"

Red smirked.

"Do you love Lorna?" Red asked

"Guess it's the second one," Nicky said to herself.

"Do you?" Red asked again.

Nicky didn't reply, instead, she looked down and blew out a deep breath. Her silence was Red's answer.

"That's what I thought. My advice is…don't wait. The circumstances aren't good, and the timing is shit, but the circumstances will never be good, and the timing will always be shit. Don't wait until your chance is truly gone, to take it,"

"Ma…"

"No. That's all that I have to say. Now we focus,"

Nicky huffed and shook her head.

"Fine, we'll focus," she said.

"Let's go, inmates, single file line," a guard called out.

The two of them walked outside, one behind the other just like everyone else. The cool air nipped at their skin, their jackets did little to conserve the heat they carried with them. Red closed her eyes and took a shaky breath before fully leaving the comfort of the heated building.

As soon as the two of them were outside their eyes simultaneously began to scan the yard. Nicky saw her first, nudging Red with her elbow and directing her to the corner where Ruby stood. She was talking to another inmate who promptly ended their conversation with a nod as they both looked directly at Nicky. Ruby shot her a sickening grin, sending shivers down her spine.

"Ma, I don't know about this,"

"We're fine. Where's the guard?"

"He's over…fuck!" Nicky whispered, turning away from the guard to face Red. Her expression had lost all calm.

"What?" Red asked, concerned.

"That's the guard who works for her…one of them at least,"

He stood in the yard, a tall man with dirty blonde hair and green eyes. His stature allowed him to physically do what he had mentally done all his life, look down upon others. His features always formed a pissy expression as if someone had just insulted him, but usually he was the one throwing the insults.

"Ok, …it's fine. I had a backup plan in case something like this happened. Just trust me and stay back," she said.

Nicky nodded and Red walked over to the guard.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"The fuck do you want?" the guard replied.

"I'm feeling a little faint, I…" Red didn't finish her sentence, instead, she practically fell into the guard, one hand wrapping around his neck for support while the other quickly snuck the bag of drugs into his back pocket.

"What the hell! Back the fuck off inmate or I'll toss you in solitary for a week," he yelled.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, I just felt a little dizzy. I'm feeling better now,"

"Don't let it happen again," he said sternly.

"I won't, I promise," she said walking away, her hands held in the air.

As she turned around, she saw Nicky backing up into a corner as a crowd began to form. Ruby stayed back, remaining a silent onlooker to the events about to unfold. Looking to the guard, Red half expected him to put a stop to things, but he wasn't even looking in that direction. She caught him wink at Ruby and then continue to stare at the laces on his shoes.

Red huffed in frustration and made her way to the crowd, pushing her way to the front. Once she made it, she saw a tall girl with short black hair pull something out from her waistband and step closer to Nicky.

She could see the panic on her daughter's face as the girl came closer.

Nicky looked frantically for a point of escape, but there was none, she was completely trapped. With a deep breath, her eyes closed as she waited for the pain to wash over her.

Red couldn't just stand back and watch, so without hesitation, she ran towards the pair. Her heart was racing, and she had forgotten how to breathe, but only one thought repeated through her mind 'Save Nicky,".

As Nicky's eyes were closed, she stood shaking in anticipation, but nothing happened. The girls around her had been cheering and hooting as they waited to watch the action unfold, but in an instant everything was quiet. Nicky opened her eyes and saw Red standing in front of her.

Before any reaction could occur, the hand that had swung back, rushed forward to meet its intended target.

The next thing Nicky saw was a blood-soaked shiv in the girl's hand, crimson drops slowly fell from the sharp object and onto the cold cement. As the warm blood made contact with the cold ground, one could see the steam rising and mixing with the wintery air. Nicky felt as if the world had slowed. She tried to make a noise, to even breathe, but it took more than a few moments for her body to catch up with her mind.

"No!" she screamed.

Red had felt the blade as it pierced into her. The adrenaline pumping through her veins ensured that she felt little pain, but all of the sudden it was hard to breathe, and then to stand.

As her knees buckled, she felt two hands gently guiding her to the ground.

Finally, the guard stepped into action, yelling at the prisoners to step back, and using his radio to call in the emergency. Immediately, an alarm began blaring and lights flashed. Everyone scattered, running towards the building, holding their ears to muffle the sound.

Ruby's girl went over to her

"What should I do? I wasn't expecting the old bitch to step in the way. Should I kill Nichols now?" she asked.

"No. The debt's been paid. She's learned her lesson," Ruby replied, her expression softening at the sight of Nicky holding her dying mother in her arms.

She held her close, one hand cupping her face.

"No, no, please… Hey, look at me. Red you stay with me do you hear me?" Nicky asked as the tears began to roll down her cheeks.

Blood was spilling from Red's abdomen, even with pressure from Nicky's hands over the wound, the flow remained rapid and uncontrollable, slipping through her fingers. Nicky increased the pressure and muttered to herself.

"What the fuck?"

"You said you had a plan…you said-" she started, but Red spoke, her voice weak and breathy.

"This…was the plan," she confessed.

"You lied to me. You told me no one would get hurt!" Nicky said shaking her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You're safe…it's all that …matters," Red replied.

"You are all that matters," she said with a gentle smile, as blood began to drip from the corner of her mouth.

"No, I can't do this without you…I can't. You have to stay," Nicky cried.

Red tried to speak again but winced in pain. After a few seconds, she spoke again, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You…are so much stronger than you think,"

"Please. Ma," Nicky pleaded.

Red looked deep into her eyes as her last breath escaped her lips and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Ma?" Nicky croaked.

"Red?…Red! Fuck! Stay with me, please. Help is coming, just wait…"

"You have to wait… you have to be ok…please," she begged.

"Prisoner, get inside," the guard yelled, but she remained.

She was shell shocked, everything else had faded. Nothing mattered. Her mother was still there in her arms, her body still warm, her deep blue eyes still looking into her own, but she was gone. She was gone because of her and there was nothing she could do.

As if something had broken inside her, she released a scream from deep within. All the anger, the sadness, and the shock emerged violently.

"I said to go inside," the guard yelled and tried to grab her arm, but she shook him loose. Her hands went back to holding Red's face, brushing the hair off her forehead, and wiping the blood from her mouth with her sleeve.

Once the other guards came out to the scene, two of them grabbed Nicky by the arms and physically dragged her from the body. She began thrashing and screaming at them to be let go, but they didn't listen.

"I said get the fuck off of me! Go help her, you have to, you have to fucking help her!" Nicky yelled.

While dragging her they left a trail of Red's blood. Nicky was coated in it, it was on her clothes, her hands, in her hair.

Lorna had been walking the halls when all of the commotions caught her attention. An alarm blaring, guards yelling at inmates to get back inside, inmates running back to their bunks, and finally, a blood-soaked Nicky being dragged off as she screamed and cried. Lorna's heart dropped into her stomach.

She walked up to a guard.

"Hey! What the hell is goin on?" she yelled.

The guard ignored her and kept directing inmates back to their bunks.

She scoffed and took a deep breath before pushing past the guards and inmates as fast as she could to get outside. She needed to know.

"Inmate! Get back here!"

She ignored him just like he had her and made her way to the yard. As her head turned to face the outdoors, her rapid pace came to an abrupt halt. Her lip quivered, and her jaw fell open. The tears flooded her eyes as her hand flew to cover her mouth in horror. Her knees began to buckle, but before she fell to the ground two guards came up behind her to pull her back inside.

A few more guards passed Lorna on their way to the scene. They hadn't been given much information but knew there was an emergency and backup was needed.

Luschek was one of the guards responding to the call, and as he walked out, he saw Lorna being dragged away crying.

"What the fuck is going on?" he asked, walking up to Ruby's guard.

"Altercation in the yard. We're gonna need a body bag," the guard replied.

Luschek walked a little further until he saw Red lying there in a puddle of her own blood. His face grew stern. He hadn't known the woman very well, but he knew she was someone people didn't mess around with. He also knew that she was more of a mother to some of the girls than their actual mothers.

He couldn't look at her anymore, and he turned back to face the guard. The irresponsible guard who let this go down.

"How the fuck did something like this happen? You're supposed to watch them…it's kinda your only fucking job," he said angrily.

"I was watching them. It all happened so fast," the man replied.

Luschek noticed something sticking out of the guard's pocket and pulled it out.

"I'm guessing this was what maybe…slowed down your reactions?" he said, waving the drugs around.

"I don't know how that got in there, I swear I'm not on anything man. You gotta believe me,"

"What I 'gotta believe' is that you'll turn in your resignation by the end of the day. I'd do it before word gets out that you let a prisoner die right before getting caught with a bag of drugs hanging out of your pocket,"

The guard nodded guiltily and walked off.

"Fuck," Luschek muttered, shaking his head.

* * *

After a few hours, the lockdown ceased, and people could move freely once again. Word of Red's passing circulated and while most were unaffected, many of the girls who were with her in minimum were devastated.

Once Lorna had calmed down, she knew she needed to talk to someone.

"Nicky?" she said softly as she entered her bunk.

Nicky remained silent, still lying down in her bed her eyes, open and staring at the blank wall before her.

She was still wearing the same clothes, still covered in the now dry and stale blood.

"Nicky…" she whispered, her voice cracking at the sight.

Nicky sat up and as soon as her eyes met Lorna's, she began to cry.

Lorna rushed over and hugged her, holding her tight and letting her tears fall on to her shoulder.

"Shhhhhh…I know…It's ok," Lorna said, trying to calm her down.

"Let's get you cleaned up ok?" she said with a sad smile.

Nicky didn't say a word. Her eyes were blank, and her breathing was ragged.

She grabbed clean clothes and helped her get changed, one step at a time. Next, she took a rag and gently got rid of the blood on her cheek and her hands. She pushed Nicky's hair out of her face and smiled weakly.

"There, that's better," Lorna said with a gentle smile.

"It's my fault," Nicky whispered.

"No, it's not," Lorna said sternly.

"Yes, it is. I should never have let her get involved…I shouldn't-"

"Hey, you look at me. You and I both know that once Red Reznikov sets her mind on something, there's no changing it. She wasn't goin to let you get hurt,"

Nicky wasn't convinced, she still let herself take the blame. If she hadn't been using, if she hadn't crossed Ruby, and if she hadn't turned to Red for help, she would still be alive.

"She told me to give you something. She said to wait until after you were back from the yard. I asked her why she couldn't give it to you herself…she didn't answer," Lorna said.

She took out folded papers and handed them to her. Nicky unfolded them, recognizing the handwriting immediately.

"I'll come back a little later. Some of the other girls and me are planning a memorial service. I really hope you come,"

Nicky nodded and then looked back down to the letter once Lorna had gone.

_To my lovely daughter,_

_I didn't carry you, I didn't bring you into this world, but ever since the day you fell into my lap, I could've sworn I had. You have the biggest heart, slightly hardened by years of mistreatment, but it is full of life and love and excitement for the world. One day, you'll get out of here. One day you will have the opportunity to make something of yourself, so I'm begging you not to fuck it up. I have a feeling that I won't survive past the week but just know that I'll still be watching, and I will always look out for you._

_I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about the true plan, but I knew that if I told you the truth you wouldn't let me go through with it. The only thing that matters is that you are safe. I've lived my life, and I don't want to waste any more of it in here. You have a shot at happiness, I'm begging you to take it. Lorna loves you, take it from someone who has lived long enough to recognize the look she gives you. Don't let her go without a fight._

_And Nicky, before you go down a path of guilt and self-pity, know that this wasn't your fault. This was my decision and mine alone. I'm so sorry that I have to leave you like this, but you've convinced me that you are strong enough to get through this. You got yourself clean, you owned your mess and took care of it, you're ready. Listen to me and go live your life to the fullest, don't waste it._

_-Love, your Mother_

Nicky smiled as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I love you Ma," she whispered.

* * *

As days went on, Nicky's heart began to heal. Each night before she slept, she reread the letter and let the words float across her mind. She dreamt of Red's smile and her voice, yelling at her to stop moping around and start living.

Rumors spread around the prison that Ruby had been out of business ever since her supplier quit suddenly. Her empire came crashing down and she was once again at the bottom of the food chain. Her group soon found a new leader and things managed to balance out once more.

The memorial service that Lorna had put together, had been a beautiful reflection of Red's life. Stories were told, speeches were given, and tears were shed in great abundance. Nicky chose not to speak, rather she listened to everyone else. All the people that Red helped with little to nothing in return, in fact, more than a few of them had turned on her or sold her out at one point or another. After everything had come to a close, Nicky pulled Lorna aside.

"What's going on?" Lorna asked with a chuckle.

"I have something to say, and it's kinda important. I don't need an answer today, or tomorrow, but I know that if I don't say it now I never will. I love you, Lorna. I love to look at you, I love to hear your voice, believe it or not, I love to hold you and to be around you. Someone told me that…that I shouldn't hold anything back because we never know what's going to happen, and I wanted to tell you before I miss my chance," As she finished, she realized that Lorna was staring at her wide-eyed and unsure of what to say. Nicky held her breath in anticipation of her response.

"Wow, well it is pretty concerning when you of all people are speechless," she joked.

"Nicky…I…I'm married. And I got the little one on the way I mean…talk about timing," Lorna said with a tearful chuckle.

"I know that this is coming out of nowhere and that things are complicated right now. I'm not asking you to abandon everything or make some big confession like I just did. I just needed you to know and now you do so—"

Lorna cut off Nicky's rambling with a kiss. It was quick enough, so the guards didn't see, but still passionate and loving.

"I..I love you too…but that doesn't change the situation," Lorna said sadly.

"I know, I know. I just want you to be happy," Nicky replied.

"This is a lot to think about. I should go. I'm glad you came tonight," she said

"So am I,"

"Nicky?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

There was a silence, and neither knew what to say. Lorna only called her back to see her one more time, so she quickly said the first thing that came to mind.

"Get some sleep,"

"I will… you too," Nicky replied.

Lorna nodded and walked off.

Nicky laid down in her bed and stared at the letter in her hands as she'd done so many times. With a huff and a wry chuckle, she whispered.

"Well Ma, you were right… She loves me,"


	6. Epilogue

"Please. Ma," Nicky pleaded.

She had heard the cries, the sirens, the yelling of the guards. But slowly those sounds grew distant. The bright red light of the alarm washed over her, flooding her senses and transforming to a soft white.

Then all at once, everything was gone. Suddenly, she wasn't cold anymore, she wasn't in pain. But there was a deafening silence. No more sound, no more sight, there was nothing but darkness.

Slowly, her hands fell upon the soft fabric. Her eyes could sense a warm light glowing somewhere close by, but what drew her back to consciousness was the soft music playing in what sounded like another room. Her eyes fluttered open and looked around.

She was in a bedroom lit only by the sunlight pouring through a large stained-glass window. The soft fabric had belonged to a fluffy comforter. She was lying on a queen-sized bed, but whose, she had no idea. The house was not one she recognized, but something inside told her that everything was ok, that there was no need to be frightful or weary. She somehow knew she was safe there.

She sat up and placed both feet on the ground, the coolness of the hardwood floor enveloping her soles and wrapping around her toes.

She stretched out but noticed that the usual crick in her back wasn't there. She stood up and tested it out, stretching her back out on either side. No pain whatsoever.

She walked over to the window, running her fingers across the intricate pattern. Colors of red, blue, green, and yellow danced on her skin as the sun shone brightly through. She bathed in the light for a few seconds, enjoying the warmth and colors but then was drawn back.

Her ears honed-in on the soft music and something told her she needed to find the source. She walked over to the large wooden door and grasped the golden knob, twisting it and pulling the door towards herself. As she walked out, she realized she was on the upper level. The house, whosever it was, was gorgeous. Cream colored walls, hand-carved crown molding, and antique decor. The paintings on the walls were reminiscent of those she'd gaze at in books, ones she had wished to hang in her own home but never could, be it timing or expenses.

She continued exploring all the while following the sounds from downstairs. As she came upon the staircase, she ran her hand down the smooth wooden railing and descended slowly, taking in every detail with each step.

As she walked closer to the kitchen, she heard the music more clearly. The soft piano coming in before the stringed instruments joined it. A gentle duel between wind and string progressed before the pure, smooth voice rang beautifully in her ears.

_Someday he'll come along_  
_The man I love_  
_And he'll be big and strong_  
_The man I love_  
_And when he comes my way_  
_I'll do my best to make him stay_

She walked to the doorway and saw him standing there. His back was facing her, but he didn't have to turn around for her to recognize him.

"Sam," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

He turned around and greeted her with a gentle smile.

"Galina…I've been waiting for you," he said.

She walked in gingerly at first, but looking into his bright blue eyes, she found she couldn't do much else but run into his arms.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. He returned the hug eagerly and laid a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. She picked up her head and looked deeply into his eyes.

"How…how are you here? I thought you were dead," she asked confused.

"I am," he replied.

"Then that means…" she drifted off. The yard with Nicky, she had died. Images flooded her mind, but Sam saw her forlorn expression and pulled her back

"Yes, but it's ok. You're ok now," he said lovingly.

She had expected to be shaken by the news, to be afraid for what happens next, but all she felt was calm.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"We're home," he answered simply.

She accepted his answer with a smile and leaned into the palm of his hand as he raised it to cup her cheek.

"You were waiting for me?" she asked.

"I've always been waiting for you,"

"Why couldn't you wait there? Or move on without me? Why did you…" she couldn't say the words. Too much heartbreak and sadness, she didn't want to be reminded.

"Galina, you're my person. I couldn't have moved on anyone else there would've paled in comparison to what we could've had. I'd heard about your sentence, I'd heard rumors that you would never get out. I felt hopeless. I knew I would never get to hold you, never be able to tell you that I love you. I couldn't live like that," he said.

"I love you too," she replied with a smile.

He gently pulled her closer and grazed his lips upon her own. She felt her knees grow weak before pulling him into a deeper kiss. All those years, all the buried feelings, hurt and betrayal melted away with a simple kiss. Pulling away breathless, she went back to resting her head on his chest as the lyrics filled her ears once more. He gently led her around the floor, swaying to the gentle melody.

_He'll look at me and smile_  
_I'll understand_  
_Then in a little while_  
_He'll take my hand_  
_And though it seems absurd_  
_I know we both won't say a word_

Her hand intertwined with his and held on tight, afraid that if she let go for even a second, all of this would disappear. They enjoyed each-others embrace, warm and loving, until the end of the song had passed. Even in the silence, they kept swaying to the beating of their own hearts.

"Galina?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"There's something I want to show you."

He led her over to the kitchen table where ingredients were neatly laid out. Her eyes grazed over them and slowly she recognized what they were for.

"Chicken Kiev," she said with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm no cook, but I was hoping we could try and make it…together,"

"That's a wonderful idea," she said softly, as tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Hey," he said, tenderly wiping the tears from her face with the tips of his fingers.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"I never thought that I…that **we** could have this," she said.

"Have what?" his confusion grew.

"Happiness," she replied.

He wrapped his arms around her in a loving hug and ran his hand up and down her back to soothe her. She pulled away to look up at him and he smiled and said:

"As long as we're together, that's all we'll ever have,"

She nodded and stood on the tips of her toes to reach up and kiss him again.

* * *

_He'll build a little home_  
_That's meant for two_  
_From which I'll never roam_  
_Who would, would you_  
_And so all else above_  
_I'm dreaming of the man I love_


End file.
